When Liam was a little baby I had a feeling that he was different than the other babies. He wouldn't sleep, sit still or cuddle and cluster feeding was our thing. He just simply drained more of my energy than he probably should. Man I could eat like a pig and still lost weight. That's how bad it was. One day I was scrolling down my Facebook feed and stumbled over a article about High Needs Babies. It described 12 characteristics that sounded so much like Liam. Although I knew that I was screwed - at least for the next couple of years - I was still kind of relieved to have a explanation for all that's going on. The thing is that all that was just the beginning. A High Needs Toddler in his terrible two's ? That's a real test of will power right there. So I found another list for characteristics of High Needs Toddlers and tried to give some insight of what our life looks like. Maybe some of you moms and dads out there can relate.
1) Supersensitive
Apparently High Needs Babies are very sensitive to sudden changes of environment. That might be true but I guess I just can't figure out the difference between Liam just being fussy or him being fussy because of a new environment.
2) Intense
Liam doesn't have a off or silence switch. It's loud and louder. Fast and faster. Hard and harder. His cry can be heard at least a block down but so does his jolly laugh. He can't walk in a normal speed. He's always running or jumping. Petting a animal ? He is gentle but he really has to concentrate on his hands. Speed and strength.
3) In demand of constant attention
Liam is the sweetest kid when he knows he has my full and unshared attention. When he sits on my lap and we read a book or when I sing to him or we play on the ground. But as soon as he notices that I'm focusing on anything else (Phone, people, TV etc.) It's over. He'll yell, do things he is not supposed to do, throw and hit things and just be loud as hell. If nothing helps he'll even put himself in dangerous situations because he knows there is no way I can ignore him then. (Climb and jump off furniture, run away, play with sharp objects etc.)
4) In need of physical contact often
He hates the stroller. Especially when he is uncomfortable he'd rather be carried around or at least physically feel somebody he trusts is around. But I guess that's just what kids do.
5) Constantly active
Liam never gets physically tired. His head might get tired but his body never will. And I mean it ! Before he was sleep trained he would run around the house with half closed eyes at 2 am. Plus he doesn't sit or stand still. He always needs to move and do something. His hands and feet are in constant motion.
6) Draining on your energy
Parents of High Needs Children often hit rock bottom. "Yup, I'm done ! Not doing this anymore ! Do whatever you want to do !". But obviously that's just something we say and can't really do. We still have to push harder, use our last bit of energy and even more to be good parents. We can't slow down because that could end in a disaster. There is no way we can let our kids feel bad about what they are doing to us because they obviously don't know and can't do anything about it.
7) Uncuddly
Liam doesn't cuddle. Nope. He didn't like to be swaddled, he hates the car seat (although it has gotten much better. He still complains and fights against being buckled in sometimes though) and the only reason he ever wanted to be held was when he was nursing. He is fine with us holding him when we are outside the house - since it better than being in his stroller - but at home he needs his space.
8) Unpredictable
This is the worst thing and a real learning process. With Liam there is no such thing as knowing what he usually likes or won't do. It's annoying and dangerous at the same time. So today he'll like Salmon and corn and tomorrow he'll hate it. Usually he is afraid of heights but the next thing you know he's standing on your third floor patio furniture. I'm really scared to leave him with people that don't know him the way me and my family do. It could really end in the ER of Rady Childrens Hospital. Honestly ! People have complimented me on how fast I react to Liam's sudden moves. I'm always alert to what he does and pretty confident I can catch almost everything he tries to throw or knock over. Thinking a step ahead of him is the key here.
9) Constantly feeding, especially nursing
Yes ! As I said, cluster feeding was a big deal back then. Well, until I stopped nursing in January that is. He still grabs my boob just in memory of those good old times lol But he doesn't eat as much now. I can't believe how picky he is when it comes to food and sometimes I really wonder what he lives on.
10) Frequently waking up at night
Urgh ! I'm really lucky that this point is not accurate. Liam is a great sleeper. He goes to bed somewhere between 8 and 10 pm and wakes up between 7:45 and 9 am.
This whole dilemma has one good thing though. Liam is very smart. Yes, I know he often uses it to manipulate the people he is with but he also knows so much. He only has to see something once to know how it works, how to do it or where it goes. He knows where everything in our apartment is and if he doesn't he'll still look for it and usually find it (with some help). He knows what he wants and even more what he doesn't. Plus he has a great big heart. He always tries to help. When a phone in this house rings he'll bring it... to the person it belongs to (yes he knows who's phone it is even though my brother and mother have the same one), he tries to open doors for me or carries my purse when he sees that my hands are full. He tries to carry bags after grocery shopping and puts away light things like cereals. He almost cried this week when he saw that I hurt my knee and knows when I'm not feeling well (he'll actually "slow down" a little). When we go to the playground and a kid falls he'll go over and check on them, give them a hug or rub their backs.
So with all that said I am very confident that he will do great in life. His intelligence and heart will do very much for him and I'm going to work on turning all that stuff that's not very positive right now into something wonderful. All that work is going to be worth it. We - all those parents going through this with a High Needs Child - should remember that this struggle is temporary and once our kids grow out of this we are going to have smart and fun little guys and girls. Also never forget that it's not their fault. We can't be to harsh on them since it is not going to turn anything around. It's just going to make it worse. The best thing to do is find good ways to work with our kids to make the best of uncomfortable situations. And (!!!) just love our little rebels. No matter what !
Bis bald,
Michelle
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